sPoT oF mY hEaRt

crazy encountered with God in CSULB_

2008-11-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

there are too much crazy things to share...

first... tonight... wow.. I don't even know how to start this...

this is what happened...

God is coming to CSULB with power and He surely coming soon...

these few weeks.. the students who have passion about Jesus been given this 24/7 prayer meeting vision by God...

and we all have received this among the same time..

and we all believe that is gonna happen.. just need a place to fulfilling this vision.

so on Monday night, David asked me to go to this prayer meeting called RHOP...

its located at little tokyo which is supported by Heaviest Rock on Pasadena..

it started on 2006 till now..

a open 24/7 prayer room... for student leaders from every difference campus on CA..

which is really cool, that night along, I got to met the leaders from UCLA, UCSD, UCI, UCR..etc.

and they are all on fire for God and revival...

we all hungry about God and we all cried out that night... from 10pm to 1am..

that was great... but what is crazy is tonight...

today I met with this leader from Campus Crusade for Christ....

and Tammy and I taught him how to sing with Bible verse...

which we have sung Psalm 26 and 115... and it sounds really good too

so he was very happy about it and wanted to do more..

not only that... we also have prayer room on the Campus Crusade meeting.. which is really cool

because God show up

He totally did.. MY VERY FIRST DRUNK IN SPIRIT HAPPENED TONIGHT!!!! DURING THE MEETING...

we have no idea it will happen this early..

we all pray for this club.. since we really want to see God doing something to open up their eyes... without our effect .. God just did it..

I was praying with this girl, and somehow God just want me to say sorry to her for this painful experience from her past... for some reason, God want me to told her that just thought that I am the person who hurt her.. and she started crying.. I started crying like crazy with her too... I felt this huge pain in my heart.. so we were weeping together..

after that somehow God just done something funny..

so I started laughing.. really bad.. can't stop... and I felt very joyful... and dizzy too...

I fell from chair and started laughing on the floor..

people looked at me to see what happened.. and Tammy started asking if people want to be baptized by Holy Spirit.. and we prayed for few people... also prayed for most the leaders there... and one of them got filled by Holy Spirit immediately.. which it never happened to him before.. he even received tongue... isn't that crazy?!

that's not the craziest part yet....

we were praying for the leader we met earlier ... and we prayed that he will be fill by Holy Spirit and become drunk like I am..

at that time he didn't get drunk .. but turned red and full with joy...

and we just kept praying on our own since he need to go to leader meeting after the Crusade meeting... so we were praying on our own.. kept filled by God for almost 3-4 hours today.. and I was really drunk ... can't really stand up by my own...

we were praying fire on each other... and then we decided to go to the leader meeting and fill all of them with Holy Spirit.. which we found out by the time we were there.. the guy we prayed for drunk in Spirit is already drunk by that time..

and we were praying for some other leaders who never received the baptize from holy spirit before.. which was really fun.. they all felt God and have fun with Him..

after the meeting... Tammy and I decided to do more..

we stayed and started worship with Bible verses again... just Psalm...

its fun.... we were having 2 guy leaders from CCC... and 3 girl leaders from CCC...

and Tammy and I...

we all worshiping freely.. and we felt God open heaven...

so we started cried out to God.. for our campus...

we prayed for each other...

and then we all lay on the floor... and started pray for all of them... (since they all never received tongue before)... and guess what?!

they ALL received tongue tonight... and two to three of them even got drunk in the spirit for their very first time!!!!

God answered our prayer in a very crazy way... and way early than we thought....

I started my campus invasion at the same day too...

isn't God good?!

btw.. I need some support for buying my team some can I pray for you shirt...

can someone help?!

ha.. anyhow... God is so good....

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btw... I married to Jesus..

don't really got time to share that earlier..

but its a really cool story too..

I was in this bible study/prayer meeting on this guy's house... and we were praying.. that day was the election day... and I remember I was weeping with Steph after we heard the result of election... for America.. and all of sudden... we both felt like we shouldn't be sad... because God is in control over all these... so we just praying... and during that I saw God gave me this really beautiful promised ring/ engaged ring.. there are 7 pearls with diamonds on it.. there are white, pink, peach, and light brown for the pearls... and God just asked me.. "will you marry me?"....

I was crying.. because I felt so unworthy.. and I felt I am not ready yet....

but when I turned around.. I saw a big mirror behind me.. and I saw myself dress up with bride's dress.. which is a peach dress... very very beautiful design... and it looks like I am ready to get marry.. and right after that.. I saw this marriage license in front of me.. and Jesus just sign His name before me... I was crying with joy.. from that I know.. I am marry to GOD...

isn't that crazy?!

oh .. oh... by the way..

we are going to have an event for life!

we gonna do it for 6 hours.. maybe 12 hours.. fast and pray... silently..

not only that please pray for this sat. we gonna have an all leaders meeting for break out on Long Beach to have revival to come...

em... we are all on fire and crazy!!!

GOd is SOOOOOOOOOO GOod to us!!!!

Thank you for reading it..

grateful_

2008-10-27T15:38:00.001-07:00

can't thank enough....

can't praise enough...

because You are so good to me...

I was very tired today...

lack of sleep.. plus stress all over me.

I am so tight up with work (new job) and school work..

I really want to spend some quality time with God..

not just that.. I want to do more for God on my campus..

I am not satisfied with the little work I can do here...

I want to do more...

so today.. I was kinda stress out.. and don't feel anything else.. but tired... and sick..

there are so many things to share.. just don't have enough time to share..

as I walked to my English teacher's office today...

while i was waiting.. here comes a guy ... freshman... waiting for the same teacher ... we all want to ask him for help on essay..

anyhow.. all of sudden.. I started share what God has for him.. he thought I was a sidekick.. and I told him.. I am just like normal people that love by God..

he was shocked by what I said about him... and I told him...that's not me.. its God who knows him..

I can tell he wants to know more.. but we are out of time.. but I am sure we will see each other again.. keep praying for him..

after that... I saw the sign at my school... vote no on prop 8..

my heart is aching..don't know what to do .. don't know what to act.

but pray.. as I walk.. I went to bookstore.. got something for myself ... and the tiredness just came to me..

I don't want to do anything ... anymore...

until my ipod changed to the music Luck Hendrickson played..

I didn't really listen to it before.. until today..

it really clam me down, I can feel God is with me as well..

my heart got soft... and I know.. its time for me to think more about God.. but not people...

I been focus too much on people these days..

I give give give..

and I am dry now..

I need living water from my creator..

so I started thinking..

I really need to say thank you to God and lots of people in my life.

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Love notes for God:

I was small, I was no one...

I used to hate myself, I used to look down on myself...

I used to kill myself, I used to ignore my feelings...

I was dirty, I was hurt...

I was broke, I was lost...

until You came in to my life..

tell me its okay to cry..

its okay to give up sometimes,

its okay to not try so hard..

its okay to love, its okay to be love

its okay to smile again, its okay to be heal.

there is nothing You can't do..

You taught me so much..

You wiped my tears from my cheeks..

kissed me on my forehead..

You tell me how much You loves me everyday..

every part of me... that's been torn apart, been hurt really bad..

You touch it, heal it.. and told me that I am beautiful..

You told me not to look back.. but look upon You..

You gave me hope, You are the reason I live..

You held me tight when I can't sleep at night,

You held my hand when I am lost

I say, "but I don't have a father..."

You say, " here I am.."

I say, "I been hurt so bad God.."

You say, "its okay, I am here with you.. and I love you.."

I say, "I can't go on.. I need help.."

You say, "let me carry you daughter..."

I say, "no body loves me, I am so lonely.."

You say, "I am here... please look at me.."

I say, "Lord, I am tired.."

You say, "rest in my arms.."

THank You.. Thank You God...

my tears can't stop falling from my face..

because of Your love..

God.. please... save my friends, school, and my family..

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Love notes for YOU:

thank you for being part of my life..

you might not know... how important you are..

but I want to tell you ... thank you so much ..

thank you for being here for me when I am sad..

every hug warms me from my heart..

every "how you doing?" remind me someone cares about me..

even every smile give me joy..

thank you... for your love..

I just want to give all back..

with all I have..

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can't wait for the call..

I have very good feeling about it..

I know.. God will touch me that day..

even now.. God's presence are so strong..

God proved me free money from school..

have I mention it ?

he he..

200 for books.. praise the Lord..

and not just that..

He prepared me a job.. let me work at starbucks..

although its very tiring..

but.. I know.. all things work for good..

hey..

I want to touch more lives..

are you here with me?

lets do it together..

we love Jesus..!!

wiLl_

2008-09-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

So I guess I will share this again..

God have answered all my prayers for this year..

Well, almost all...

is getting there.. and God is good!!!

I been praying for have more faith in Him and want to do something crazy for Him.

So I pray for get to know all the christian club leaders in my school, and I really want to united them together cry out for my school.

Then I pray for becoming a prophet... want to see more visions, dream more crazy dreams..

Third, I want to disciple someone, although I didn't know too much yet, but I just want to give it all... I don't want to forget any detail of what I have learned. And the best way to remember it is by teaching it to others.

After these just some other personal wishes, such as family's income problems, move back to the place where near church, and stuff like that..

Anyhow, during 2008 this summer, all my prayers have been answered.

God is faithful... when you ask Him for something faithfully, He will give it to you right on time.

During the Jesus Culture conference, which I will post later for the detail (been too lazy >.<)

God gave me the prophetic gifts. And I have my very first picture while I was praying for someone... and I received the gift right away!

After that, my Lord just send a spiritual brother to me.. haha..

I didn't get to know him for too long.. and then he asked me to be his sister..

which I am super willing too..

so guess what?

I started discipline him with all I learned.. which is lots of fun..

because some of the things I have learned.. I don't really remember till I started talking to him about God.. which is crazy .. God will remind me about the things I have encountered or learned just to teach him.

Then, before my school start... I was thinking maybe I will need to knock on every christian clubs' door and share about my vision and dreams, and people might feel that I am some kind of freak..

But God is way too good, He just prepared everything for me..

I don't even need to plan anything...

Things just happened and people just come to me

isn't that crazy?

Three days before my school start, a girl I have met during Jaeson Ma's conference "supernatural on campus" called me for a meeting.

She is from Cal State Long Beach too..

and she said somehow she just feel want to call me and invited me if I want to go to this STUDENT LEADERS (from different christian club) and STAFF..

and.... she been PRAYING for me because God wants her too...

guys.. do you know how CRAZY that is?!

she only know a little information about me... and she pray for me

so without trying... I got all I want and need..

I attend the meeting at the day I moved in.. long story to tell..

but really great experience..

I get to say the prophetic words to this guy... and he got touched which is really cool

and some other guy predicted over me.. and it was very encouraged...

God just training me for this gift .. alot.. = =

I get to see lots of things.. before they happened..

which is very crazy to me.. sometimes I just can't believe these happened to me

too good to be true..

now it become a lifestyle to me already

yay!! God is good..

Lets talk about yesterday..

we have fun yesterday..

Steph, May, Steven, and I..

we went to this school events..

before that.. during the noon.. Steph went with me to this prayer meeting..

which was really great.. we prayed for each other and encouraged each others.

And Stephanie just done the really great job on prophetic words too..

with pictures and words.. just crazy..

so we get to met more people and hang out with them

at night we just have lots of fun.. free food, games, and free goods..

after the event, we decided to go back to our room and play cards and some game.

we have great time.. and fun

today.. just way better..

because when God plan something just for you .. you will just going crazy by how great He is..

I was planing to go to this meeting with the girl I mention earlier.. Tammy..

So, without thinking too much I decided to go ...

which I kinda regard after May, Stephanie, Steven, and my roommate have left.

I started felt like.. why am I still here?

why don't I just go back?

all these thoughts just came in my mind..

till I started doing my homework..

Then.. I just went to the meeting without expected too much..

so here I am in the pizza, pray, plan event..

while I was talking to this new girl I met and eating my pizza..

I saw.. Jaeson Ma walk into the house..

I was shocked..

and crazy happy!

because I didn't expected that...

and... the meeting.. was great...

without he speaking too much God show up..

this meeting turns out is from Jaeson's campus church meeting

and I was there without knowing it..

which is crazy .. and great.

people kept telling me I am place in the right spot and right time

from different events and prayers..

very encouraged..

and God give me the worship heart once again.

for a while I haven't worship this freely.

we worship with only a guitar.. and all these true hearts worshipping the Lord..

just sounds so beautiful and simple..

students crying out, praying, singing, all these sounds so untied together..

like they are mean to be in a song..

I just fall in love with God's power and presence..

I have always want to meet or be with some powerful group who is burning for God and willing to run for Him.

God answered my prayer right on time

I have always dream about meet someone like Eddie Brown as John has met..

like Sarah met lots of great leaders.

and now God just prepared for me

Jaeson's group.

can't described how great God is..

and..

yea

Just so good

I get to pray for two tiffanies

and one of them cry... because the words God wants me to say

and just great

who am I ?

I am no one..

but with God..

I am a big deal..

in His eyes

Lord I love You so much

tRuSt_

2008-09-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

Speechless.. Its nice to facing all these difficulties with all my greatest sisters and brothers.. Yes I am tired, yes I am hopeless, yes I have peace. There are more than one thing I want to share.. but now I just want to share about today.. So many things happened this summer and these days.. all these gifts and encounter I have experienced.. all these tears and joy I have felt.. Praise You my Lord .. for You still love me and I love you back.. Praise You my Lord .. for I have to face money problem and only depend on You.. Praise You my Lord .. problems are can no longer block me to love You more. Sometimes I asked lots of why.. God why does Sarah and Alice and Amy have to leave? God why my money is not here yet? God why am I so foolish that I can lost my 15 dollars today when I don't have too much money already? After all, there are one reason... God wants me to love Him only and not worry about others. I found peace although I lost my money..(not in the beginning ... of course) but after the sadness.. I just felt that.. God said its okay.. there are much more blessing waiting for me when I stop worshipping money and the world.. tears fall down from my face, because I am so stress out.. yes is only the first week of school yes I still don't have any text book yet yes I still waiting for that one answer yes I am ready to do something I never done before in school yes I am who God says I am my head hurts.. my tears runs.. my music plays.. my mind thinks.. my hand types.. all for one reason.. God still loves me.. Thats why I am here... Thats why you can read my words. Take my world away God. I don't care anymore I am so lost but I know You are with me I am so hopeless but You are my hope I am so sad but You are my joy as long as You are with me as long as You care about me as long as You still loves me More God More BREAK me into pieces.. kill me before use me yes God because there is no better way than Yours because there is no meaning to live without You I don't care how others say about me anymore because I only got one life to live. and that is Yours I might cry in the middle of night I might hurt while You break me I might want to give up I might going to the place I never been before I might be scare but If is all for You take me even if that cost my life All I can do is .. trust You all the way no turning back no more time for wasting no other way trust You wholeheartedly if I perish, then I perish if I die, then I die because I know where I am going.

bLessIng dAy_

2008-06-11T17:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, first.. yes I am 19 years OLD already..
and yea.. now I finally get to the stage where I supposed to take some driving test...

and yea.. I didn't pass the first and second time.
why? because the first time it was an accident.
then the second time is due to my bad driving skills.

anyhow..
today .. the last day of my permit.
very nervous about it.. I decided to give myself one last try.
since after today.. I will have to start all over again.. and spend $28..
I just came back to San Fransisco for two days.
and I am so stressed out..
feeling so stupid that I have to take the driving test twice and still didn't past it.
so .. I was like.. okay.. without an appointment... (too late to make one yesterday.. because I thought I can past it .. but I didn't so .. its all full already)
I was waiting for stand by.. which not a great chance for me to having a test today.
as more and more people came in for test.. I felt very hopeless..
I was praying and praying.

My mother and I was boring while we waiting..
and I just looked around and asked the lady near me who was reading "Jesus Freaks" if the book is good.
so we started the conversations... about God and everything.
she was surprised by what I shared.... although she think Todd is kinda weird..(she said that someone told her that he kicked people as healing... ??)
anyhow so my mother and I was sharing.. with her and her daughter, too.

it was great.. since she loves God and think very similar about end time..
thanks to Jack's great teaching.. that I have so much to share.. and I also gave her some information about some conferences we went to.

so.. all of sudden... she gave me her book.. "Jesus Freaks."
I mean.. very shock.. didn't expected that ..
but she just think I should have it.. so blessing..
after they left.. (asked for phone numbers already.. ready to get another young girl on fire!!! )
the DMV guy asked us to go to other place for driving test.. since they are so packed up.. can't fit me in at all..
so we went to 20 miles away from Bakersfield..
a very little city..

I was so nervous still.. but somehow I felt I am going to pass.. and I felt that that lady was the reasons why I am there today.
as we went to the other DMV.. (which is very tiny... with very different kinda people)
my mother and I was praying..
so I asked God to drive for me.. I don't want to depend on my own strength anymore.

so I did it..
although .. a little too nervous cause a little mistaken.. but

I PASS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Praise the LORD!!!
HE is CRAZY!
and I love Him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
on the last day of my permit.. I pass this!

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anyway..
during these few days..
I been online for facebook .. due to a game.. called "yoville"
its a game where you can create yourself and your own apartment.
you can work, shopping, meet new friends, and go to club and stuff
so I was kinda stock with this game
and guess what I did?
I brought a lady from he game to my room.. and I share God with her and pray for her family

wakakaka.. who say we can't share God during online game?
you boys should share Jesus while you playing halo or something hahaha
the lady happened to be a mother of three..
she is from England.. very nice.. and she did go to church sometimes
so I was just praying for her family and happiness..

also, yesterday... I went to my mother's company just to pick to check with her.
met some of her co-workers.
they are all girls.. very nice
so I shared about my experiences with God and what is happening in Florida.
pray for one of my mother's co-worker.
very fun and cool

just so fun to walk with Jesus.
she said her back pain felt much better
Thank You JESUS

yea yea yea

great happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sF_

2008-06-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

as many people may know.. not all of my family believing in God.
and I feel super weak.. I came will passion about saving people..
want to show them some signs and wonders..
but.. all got cold after.. not due to anything.. but the environment.
my cousin was saved. but he didn't really got on fire.. just normal Sunday Christian.
so they don't really do anything besides go to church on Sunday.
as his parents think we better not talking anything about God no more in their house.

so.. i really want to share.. but feel so useless..
i really want to pray for them
but feel no power
i really want to catch the time to watch God TV with them but time always run away.
so i was like.. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

also, today i saw the news about gay marriage..
man.. i feel so sad.
they can still get marry till Otc.
then what is the point of voting???
i mean.. that is not right

in SF along.. after 17 of this month..
they can all get marry for REAL
and there are 900 couples sign up the dates already

GOD what can we do?
nothing but PRAY?
Your people are crying out.
for Just, for help

i really don't want to see all these happen..

=====================================

by the way
i am hurting due to my wisdom teeth's spot.
already took out.. as you guys know,
but .. there was a little infection happening..
it hurts not only my mouth but every time when i swallow stuff..
man..

what its wrong

please help..

eMotioNal_

2008-05-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

wow.. people's mood change so quickly..
can't even tell when the next emotion is coming...

i was happy yesterday..
i was happy this morning..
i was happy this noon..

but now i am very unhappy.. kinda disappoint again..
as you all know, we all been though this age of "emo" time..
which means the age between 14-17 years old..
some said this are normal.. but i said no.

well.. yea.. same thing happened to me before..
no body can understand me, and i don't want anyone to get into my little emo world..
but now as i got out of it.. i knew it was stupid... and very wasteful too.

i wasted my mother's love,
i wasted my time to love,
i wasted my chance to be happy...etc.
same thing that happening in my house still

because my cute little bro think he is a big boy now..
so he don't want to talk to me nor my mother.
he don't want to pray nor read Bible as often.
not even want to share about himself no more.

we used to be so close..
as i saw the pictures of John Wang and his sisters.. and John Henderson and his sister.
tears just fall down from my eyes.
can't help... (thanks to facebook)
i just want to be as close as them with their siblings
i don't know why so hard for my brother.
its so easy to share with him on the internet and massages.
but not so easy in real world.. real "conversation".

any guy can help me out?

he looks so happy when he talks to his friends, especially girls.
he can massage girls or his homie every ten sec.
but can't talk to us for two mins.
i don't get it
and when we asked him if we can just share and have time to be together..
he will answer there is nothing to talk about and nothing to share.

he said something hurt me so much
and.
i think that

man.
i can have love to love others.
why my brother just don't love me
the way he talked to me like he hate me or something
every sentence i said, he denied, against.

very nice.
now what?

anyone can answer me???

boys what were u guys thinking when u are 16 or 17?

God can turn my day ArOuNd_

2008-05-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

Man, I knew I knew that I haven't updated my blog for such a long time..
but.. I am so happy right now..
because I found my dear God's plan for me in Bakersfield.
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I was boring as I moved back to Bakersfield.
I was WASTING my time.. seriously.. I felt that I am a useless person or something..
all I do for past few days was sleeping late, watched TV or drama online, eat.. ect.
(that's why I gain some weight too... **crying... )

and I just feel so weak and no motivation to do anything
it was weird ... maybe just too tired from the past few semesters...
(awwww... excuses)

and how.. I woke up early today, with my mother's lovely yelling..
she was yelling at my brother because he came back home around almost 12 last night..
and "maybe" his friend throw some toilet papers on our garden...
(according to my step-dad, he said these are done by high school graduates.)
since my bro just went to graduation party last night.. he must knew some graduates,
so then.. my mother and step-father was piss because of it..

but.. these all are not the point.. before I woke up.. I was having a dream of my family
and I felt as God's vision..

I kinda woke up between 8A.M., I didn't know why I just started praying for the family in Taiwan; especially for one of my cousin whose in England now and didn't want to believing in God, and other one is my mother's oldest aunt whose suffer with her life. (very empty and etc.)

anyway, I was just praying some simple prayers like God touch them and use them....etc.
as my sleep goes along, I started having a dream about that I went back to Taiwan.
and all my family gathering together for a high class party.
so we were eating and sharing..
as time goes by, I had a desire of sharing God but I was warning by some family members that I better not talking about God.
I felt so stressful although I was dreaming.. so I just shared God's blessing without mention His name, and I tried to encouraged my family with His love.
all of sudden, my oldest aunt she fells down on the ground and started weeping and speaking God's words to me. She shout to me that God is going to answer my prayers due to my faith.
and He heard every words that I prayed and asked.
I was shouting hallelujah and crying so hard.
then I saw myself walked to my cousin and started share God's words (which was something like her past is all wiped away by God's love, and she will never be the same...ect) ,and she started weeping and repenting. I was so touching..

at the same time I heard my mom's lovely voice..
haha..

anyhow.. that started my bad day.. I tried to talking to my brother with love and told him what is right and what is wrong about his behaviors.
and he was giving me a hard time and all these attitudes towards me..
although I didn't get mad, but inside of me felt don't want to talk anymore..
and I allowed my weakness, stop doing what I kept doing after onething conference.
and.. I felt all I have done is wasting because of my weakness.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
so I felt very useless and unhappy about myself..very very disappointed.

so I was having a bad day with a great dream.

at night. my mother came back and I went to shopping with her..
have great time... and went to eat.
somehow I wanted to eat at the place, didn't know why...
then after tonight I found the reason why God putted me here..

I got to shared with the owner of the restaurant.. (a pho restaurant own by a family from HK)
and mom shared that the owner's twin daughters are Christian already but not so deep,
and then they are the only family members who believes in God.
so somehow God gave my mom and I a chance to shared with all of them.
I was sharing my family story and how I got touch by God.
before that I was sharing the revive in Florida, and how powerful God is..

they were so surprised by what God has done.. and they didn't know that God can do some much crazy things...
and as I shared more, I can felt God's with me.
my mom said something very cool... she said that we are doing a church right there ..
and its so true.. because Bible said that two, three people gathering, He will show up..
so cool, I can't described how great I felt..
and their mother just so happy and willing to believe God after my mom and my stories..

so cool

God You are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew You always have plan for me no matter where You put me at..

Thank You Thank You Jesus..

First "can I pray for you" movement at CSULB_

2008-04-30T18:49:00.001-07:00

We are so .... encourage!!!!
God just so creative..
that the way we step out.. He just send encourage from different person..

May, Steph, Steven and I all gather together with little fear inside..
and even though we are not sure that is going to happen.. but we still do this by faith

anyhow, we have two teams, one is Steph and me, and then.. May and Steven..
we went to different places in our campus..
it was 5 PM..
not lots of people there, but we still did it!!

First, Steph and I prayed for two guys on our way to the final place

Christ and Chaz.. one of them want to be prayed for closer relationship with GOd, and the second one want to be prayed for be wise about financial...
so we did.. they were happy and appreciated about what we are doing

and then ... there comes a group of people, we prayed for two girls from that group..
they wanted to be prayed for smoothness of doing school work..
and the other one is personal problem.. to help her face her problem

after that.. a fish jump into our net...
this girl.. name Angelica.. she want us to pray for her so then she won't have to go back to Iraq..
so we did...

then.. we prayed for a handsome, tall, white guy..who smile and gave us a thumb up..
Sam.. he want us to pray for his friend whose going to be baptized..
and other friend that just walked by..Justin..

so we still walking around.. and see Steph's high school friend..
Leeann.. she was very scared about the thing we are doing..
so we just gave her blessing.. which we only spent 10 sc..

after that.. there are some merchants in front of the book store..
which is the place we are.. and a lady who sell stuff asked us over to pray for her..
she want us to pray for her son.. because her son has a problem and that needs to be solve today..
so she want us to pray.. also we prayed with her mom too...

so we saw a lonely girl she was putting poster on the wall.. and I just felt that I need to bless her..
so we went.. she seems like she are not willing to be pray for..
but with Steph's sweet smile and my kindness attitude, she finally okay with us pray for her.
and she said thank you after we prayed.. which surprised me..because she was really unwilling and not happy about our action... thank You JESUS

then we saw a guy who we have saw twice.. so we knew that God want us to pray for him
at the first... we were scared about his look.. all black outfit with long hair and goatee..
but we still .. step up with faith..
and he ends up so nice.. he have a JON SU smile..
my Lord, they look so alike... ha.. anyhow..
we prayed for his tiredness and happiness..

and then as we keep walking to other place..
there is a group of people..
lots of them.. and Steph got nervous, she deiced to fold the poster..
so I told her don't be shy.. I held the poster..
as we walk near.. I felt this is a Christian gathering.. since I saw guitar..
and as soon as i able to tell Steph, she saw some guy that she met earlier in the semester in a Christian club.. which she have attended few times.
its called Asian American Christian Foundation ...
it was so encouraged...
because the people there are encouraged by our action too..
we are blessed by few of them..
and they have so many different people from different countries, Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan..ect
so cool.... and they asked us where we from.. (club) so we answered.. we are from JESUS..
doing this for GOD because we love HIM!
ha... and they asked about our church and everything..
some of them I have seem them in conference already..
some of them are just new to us..

it was so cool because they want to do this with us some other time

man GOD!!! You are just amazing..
You linked us to bigger place..
with more Christian.. and I can picture that all the Christian gathering together just worship God, touch lives, and come back to God..

just like last night the prayer room we have..
God tole me.. to make this campus as His holy ground..
during last night's prayer time.. Steph and I both can felt God's heart.. hurts so badly..
we wept.. just for the people who are mad and turn back from God..

and today.. we got touch by the people that God send to us..

it was a very great day!

have IHOP as dinner..

yay... yammy...

Pray MORE!
DO MORE!

we are planing to do this every mon and wen.. if we can.. hehe..

and prayer room everyday!!!

pAryEr meEtIng_

2008-04-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, we DID it again!!!!!!!!!
so happy that four of us united together for ONETHING!
To cried out and seek for God's face.

All four of us enjoyed what we have done..
prayed for a hour..
we know we want to do it longer..
and it was very different ..
because we used IMPACT style prayer room
we lay on the floor .. some pray.. some read Bible..
some fall asleep.. which is me.. ha

but it was great..
we all felt God's presences, Steven heard something as "it will shine.." for five times
and Stephine received this picture that radical jam was playing worship songs, and she lay her hand on a person's fort head and he was weeping..with Jennifer saying prophetic words
and Jack is on a side have tears in his eyes, felt very proud of them..
as for May, she received this verse from Bible something like "it has never be seem, heard.. "
and she knew there was something not from God in our room so she have prayed for protection over us and clean our souls..
for me.. i fall asleep.. but it was very peaceful and deep sleep..
i felt fully rest.. even though only a little amount of time..
but it was great.. because God knew that I was burn out.. and too tired
and I received this message about how we need to prepare our heart for this up coming Wednesday which we are going to do the "can I pray for you" movement.
God want everyone of us have great expectation of His work..

so keep us in your prayer .. thank you..

As today I send some of Impact members some messages about our school, this is what happened..
in our school, sometimes there are some people who will held three different sign.. (huge one) and says God is angry and homo need to repeat or God will send them to hell..
something as blessing your dirty hearts..
which is anti-Christ..
they tried to make people mad and have wrong impassion about God..
and started hate God.. those kinda stuff..
I was really sad..
it hurts my heart badly..
I really want to do something.. but I was alone
and I can really felt how God feel..
so painful to see His own beloved do this to Him

so.. I was weeping..
and I prayed for them as well..

anyway..
we gonna keep up our own LB PRAYER ROOM

so..

welcome all..

haha

ps..
May and I might have a FUN 19 birthday party..
everyone of you are welcome..

Father & Son_

2008-04-26T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dick and Rick Hoyt...
best love story that every told..

and the best love that can't hardly found..

A video you should watch..
as Father God and everyone of us..
He never give up on us..
and He push us further..
because He want us to have a better life..
just like this father...
with full of love... selfless, willing, and hard work..
----------------------------------------------------------------
This is a story about a baby was born with brain damaged..
but his dad didn't give up on him...
besides he gave him a very fulfill life..

touch me so deeply.. that i cried.. can't stop..

because this remind me of God's love..

everyone of us.. we all have our disable areas..
but God didn't give up on us..
He accept.. and want us to be better...

enjoy the video..

loNg lOnG tImE_

2008-04-24T23:58:00.000-07:00

haven't update my blog for so long..

but still have so many things to share.. and God show His love to me deeper and deeper..
I just want to shout... "I am so in love with this GOd.."

anyhow...

after Onething conference, my heart became very soft, and tears are so easy to fall down..
I just love it.. I can feel God's presents easily..

I love it!

During the conference, I have been washing by my tears.. and I felt so refresh and clean..
also, I received this "new" vision that I never thought about..

is to revive Asia ... which is Taiwan..
still waiting for more proof from God..
However,
lets talk about some break though that I have lately...

**my overcome:

- I have overcome my fear of praying for people in school..
even though is only one student that I prayed for.. healing!
even though she only felt better.. but I am so happy that I meet a new girl who got saved too.. <3

-I have overcome my fear with stand up for God in my class...
in my acting class, we have this open sense acting practice..
and we need to create these time, location, relationship, and situation. Then this girl she gave this ideas as

Time: Jesus time
Location: Israel
Relationship: Jesus and devil
Situation: "who can sleep with Mary?"

I was... pissed by the last one...

and I feel very uncomfortable about this....
I don't know what to do.. but I know I need to stop this...
so I just went to teacher and asked her to change the situation..
so she asked me if that offense me.. and I nodded.. while my heart pomp so fast..

and guess what..? she didn't get mad or think weird.. and she got ride of this..
I was so happy after I did it!!!!

then there are some other things as.. i listened to the Mark "daddy's" worship music..
while I was studying.. and my heart start open up for God.. and Holy spirit fall upon me once again.. then I started weeping..
man.. I can weep anything God comes in to my heart..
some other things are that I walking on the way to my classes, and then listening to my worship songs, and then God just visit me anytime He want..
I will not deny it.. because I love it..

I started one-on-one caring network again.. with this girl.. who used to be catholic.. but she is not going church anymore... so then I was spending my time with her.. having dinner and went to her room prayed and shared my stories with her..
she was touch... I talked to her about how God thinks about her..
and ... I knew.. she wanted to know more..
so I shared almost a hour ... tried to explain what Holy spirit is, who Jesus and God means to us..
It was such a great time.. and.. I felt I did something very meaningful.

Today morning, I got a chance to talked a guy who I have met earlier in the beginning of the college year, I was doing the one-on-one caring network... and I found out that he used to be Christian, but somehow he don't agreed with the whole "salvation" thing... which is the main thing in Christian. He thought that life is about experiencing things, and no one needs to be "save." I didn't say much.. but I know I need to listen to him in order to know what is in his mind ,and what leads him to think this way. So, I told him I will pray for him...

In the afternoon, I was encouraged by a middle age man who was holding a big sign says, "Give me five seconds, I will show you Jesus is the one who created Heaven, and He will save you soul."

at the first, I was thinking maybe this is not Christian. So I stopped and listen to him..
there is a girl who was asking questions as "if God loves me and is the one who created me, then what is the purpose of creating me while He know I will not accept Him at all."

and the man answer her as, "so what if everything in the Bible is true about Jesus.. will you want to follow Him and believe in Him?"
she answered, " No, I will understand the things that Jesus have done are real, but I won't borrow to believe in Him. because I don't need Him."

after I heard this.. my heart started aching... and I want to cried so bad..
I felt so sad.. that I can't stop praying for the guy and the girl who asked questions..
after all, there are some other guys, girls talked to the guy.. and thanked him.. includes me..
I told him I am Christian and thank him so much to do this..

I think this is enough sharing.. for today... so many of them
and I am super tired..
due to last night two hours slept..

and yea! God is good.. He have proved to me how powerful and faithful ..
I GOT GOOD GRADES!!!!!!!!!! WAKAKAKA..

Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a WHO_

2008-03-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

Finally, I got a chance to watch this movie today.
oh man... it was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD...

like most of you, who have watched this movie already.
I almost cried... yet, I did cried a little..
so touching..

from my view, what i have seem is that...
in the beginning, I wasn't expecting too much from this movie.
even thought many people from Impact have told me how good it is..

but as more as I watched, as more as I got into it..

and I was so touched by

"A person is a PERSON, no matter how SMALL"

and yet! please, mothers, your little tiny babies might have something want to tell you..

"I am here"...
like the movie sang..
"We are here"....

My heart was broken, when I heard the song they yelled out, sang ...
and especially, when Jojo opened his secret lab..

Oh dear God, when the little balls fell down, there were two DNA shaped stairs? something like that..to me it presents something very important, its like the secret lab as a little baby, and then the stairs as DNA, and the big balls that fell down as heart beats from the baby..

I was so touched..
you can felt how wonderful and powerful from a little baby...
God created people so unique..

when they started sing "We are here.."
tears in my eyes..
can't described my feelings..

but Lord!!!!
You are so gooood..

after watched this movie..
i really hope NO MORE abortion will happened anymore

please Lord...

A person is a person .. no matter how small!
and they are created by GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You Jesus.. for I am still here and typing these down...

Praise You..

last NigHt_

2008-03-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

Last night,
we started our "first" time CSULB cell group..
not too smooth, cause we all don't have experience..
started with the worship..
and its kinda funky, kinda funny..
a little fight..
but overall

i have great time with God..

Steph and I prayed for our family, friends, and school
Most importantly we prayed for our unity ....
every time we want to gather to do something for God..
things just keep happening..

but we know.. if we gather.. and united together for God..
we will be very powerful..
so devil just keep put something between us..

but this time..
we don't care no more
Stepth and I even weep for the lost and our unity..

Thank YOu Jesus..
For You are so good to me
and yet! can't wait for spring break!

Next time.. will be very great!
Help us Lord..
Thank You Jesus.
I love You

tHese days_

2008-03-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Haven't up date my blog for so loooooooooooooooooong...

humm.. where to start??

so many things that happened lately.. that make me kinda don't know what to say..

anyhow..
lets start with this cool thing..

there is a day, which I was kinda sad before I went to sleep..
I felt much better after I woke up, and God spoke to me:" Smile, because I still love you."
God was showing me love!!!
OH my Lord, I was so happy, and God wanted me to dress up and be pretty for Him.
So, I was prepared, and get ready.... it took me some time..
When I realized, I spend too much time already.
But then God said, "don't worry, I will slow time just for you, so praise me ?"
So I stated worship Him, felt very peace, not rushing at all, I even walked kinda slow..
(*usually I need to spend like 25 minutes to walk from my dorm to class, and class started at 9:30AM, and by the time i left my room it was 9:15 already) I didn't really know till I am in front of my class room.... I am there ON time!!!!!
GOd is so faithful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My God, and because I was shock so I am late for one minute, but anyway teacher didn't really care that one minute!

after this, God wanted me to know, He gave us many chances to be happy, everyday is new day, He set lots reasons for us to be joyful, but we always spend too much time on bad, anger, and negative side ... so we are always not happy.. Even GOD still LOVE us.

so then, other thing that I want to share is that, I was worry so much about my quiz, midterm...ect. God always help me relax and love Him more.

and its so cool that I called some people and cared about them and asked them how they doing, and pray for them, AND they GOT touch by the LORD!!!!!!!
oh yeaaaaaa...
so cool na...
they will start ask me about what is in my life make me so caring..
and seek God..
Praise the Lord, because You are good

thank You for mama's birthday, even thought is not all the way happy, but with good ending..
thank You Jesus..

and I am waiting for my SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sHaMe_

2008-03-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

finally, i finish my midterm...

and more.. is coming up.. << i thought after this week i can rest a bit..

man.. college life is very busy.. awww.. i am burning out..

anyhow, back to my topic..

last night, after my brain got burned..
Yusuke came without notice.. he wanted to surprise me and treat me a dinner..

which is nice.. helped me relax a bit.

and as he told me a story, i felt it was something that God want to tell me..

one day, God asked a pastor to go to Africa, to save His people, to help them, and guide them.

Pastor asked God:"Lord, why me?"
God say: "You are not the first one that I ask. Are you willing?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it hits me...
Yusuke told me, this is why he finally become a cell group leader..
he said, he used to think that he's not ready for anything..
and he always back up when people asked him to become "leader"
and finally, one day after he heard this story, he understand that God is telling him something.

we always sing, "God, I put everything before You" or "my life is Yours"...
but we always can't do it like what we sing

funny huh?
i found myself like that too...

i feel useless since i came to college.
i want to do something
but always feel too embarrass to pray or even mention about God.
yea, few times, but not that often..

so.
i decided to response to God's calling.
i might not be the first one that God ask..
but.. I will be the one who response God's calling

as i walked back to my dorm
i was listen to the worship songs.
i sing it..
i got filled by Holy Spirit..
I know..
this is my dream from God
i know.. i need to weep for my generation, my school, and my peers around.

i was able to cry

and i can see God smile

i am going to do something bigger...

God..

help me..

the Moment_

2008-03-04T01:39:00.000-08:00

God, I am tired... midterm, papers, essay...
drive me crazy...
people only have to study for 20 mins, i have to study for 1 hour to get the same grades..
Lord, I know i am complain again..
but, i am just... tired.
how come, some people they don't have to do anything and they can get what they want easily?

i know You will reward the one who work hard...
i can't wait till the result..
but ...

I praise You for Alice, she's so amazing.
Lord, i can't thank You enough for the people around me
Alice is like Angel, study Bible with me... and pray with me
Praise the Lord for good dinner, and snacks...
Praise the Lord for my health.. i have no pain .. only tired from lack of sleep
Praise the Lord that i have 5 hours to sleep and still can type my feeling in this moment

Praise the Lord that Johnny feel Your love before he feel sadness..
Bless him like You did to me when my grandpa passed away.
God.. I know You are doing something.. and want us to learn....

Jesus...
Help me, guide me with my midterm tomorrow.
I praise You for Jasmin who have prayed for supernatural way of study..

God... I want to do everything with Joy..
With the spirit of Joy.. and wisdom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
May, Steph, and I were in the room, and we were talked about old old old songs.
very fun, and refresh our memories about our childhood
fun.... i love it..
miss the moment
so..

that remind me of a song called the moment, by 孫燕姿
i was listen to the song that used to touched me very deep...
the moment...

love this song.. very much

God.
Thank You
for everything that happened

i might not understand right now
but i will understand
because i love You deeply
there's nothing..
Nothing that can change

the way You love me

daddy, help me
strength me

i want to do something
for You

along.

hUrT_

2008-02-29T17:29:00.000-08:00

gosh, this hurts like crazy...
can't stand it anymore....

why GOD!?!?!

last weekend, i was too hungry
while i was helping prepared meal...
i can't wait to eat.
finally at the time that i get to eat,
i bitted my mouth.
i left two holes in my mouth

then, my nightmare began......
it hurts .... in a way that i can't stand anymore

so, someone told me to use salt,
yes, salt...
very crazy, i must out of my mind.

one of the painfullest thing in the Earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the pain feeling went all over my head
from my mouth to my mind..

my face turned all red

and.........
i tried for like three, four times
cause i really want it to heal or at least make me feel numb, so i can't feel hurt when i eat or drink
but

i now i am still hurting, even though i didn't do anything
just typing
it hurt

so i praise God,
like what i did when i tired to put salt on my mouth.

God, please
heal ME!
like right now
because You are good
and I love u

put my two midterm in Your hand as well

help me focus, stop my pain

love You

learning processing_ loading...57%

2008-02-26T00:51:00.000-08:00

Another new day that God created; i woke up with swollen and dry eyes.
My eyes can barely open and my heart is empty.
"again," i thought
my heart started filled with anger.

last night, i was pain all over my heart and mind.
i cried so hard, and felt helpless.
i have no idea, all i did is denied myself and became negative again.
i tried so hard to not to fall into darkness again.
Praise the Lord, Yusuke was on the phone, he kept telling me how much God loves me and He didn't die for nothing.
it milted my heart, so i cried harder.
till i have head ached.
so i talked to May till 5 in the morning.
we shared, we tried to understand each other, and we have talked for the longest time since i met her.

i know, God changed something between may and i.
and i know, even though we have to go though this painful way to reach where we are right now, but God is always there and watching over us.

I was broken last night, i cried and cried.
till a point i want to stop but i can't.
so i started pray, i asked God why He allow this happened?
and why me??

then God showed me, Jesus been though all these.
God used May asked me, isn't that i want to become a leader?
and i asked myself,
can i handle more?
its gonna get worse when i become a leader.
and i thought about how Jesus been go thoguh.
He must feel the same way as i do.
feel depression, don't know what to do, sadness, being misunderstanding, no one want to listen to Him, even kill Him.

but devil has played my emotion.
i still have great anger inside of me
i felt like, why me again?
so you didn't do anything wrong? and u always perfect?
different people from different back ground, there's nothing to be compare with.
we are all in the same stage, we are all learning, so how dare u say that to me?
i never tell people what to do or try to change them, because only God can.
who are you that can tell me what to do ?
what now? you think you are old enough to deal with your peers?
i didn't say anything or do anything doesn't mean i am not MEAN enough to do
becasue i know
i am different ..
from my past.
i want to stop all that retaliate actions that i used love to do.
yes, i am different
yes, stop thinking

then i fall sleep.

till today.

so back to the beginning, where my eyes still dry and ugly.
i have anger inside of me still
and i can feel it grow bigger ..
i don't want to forgive, and i want to do something to hurt whoever hurts me
i tried so hard and i even give up myself
just to please you?

but God is amazing.
there is the difference between the people who love God and the people who don't know God.
God changed me already.

at the afternoon.
God treated me mango, made me feel much better
and started putting lots praising songs in my mind.
non stop, so i got my i pod and started singing while i walked back to my dorm
i sing and people looked at me funny or weird.
but i don't care.
because i love Him
and He wanted to cheer me up.

after all.
God started sending angels around me
talked to me, cared about me
He want me to know i am not alone
and
my heart got soft and started crying again while i was talking to Jack.
so i finally got released by what Jack told me.

funny, i can always obey whatever Jack told me.
and devil know that, so before Jack reply, i don't feel want to talk to him at all
but then, thank God, Jack you talk to me

so, i feel much better.. with God's love and family, friends warm caring and supporting.
so much love
and..
i still remember the sermon i heard from few weeks before.

Don't listen to the voice of criticism, doubt, limitation, and selfishness.
Only listen to the voice of faith.

only been few weeks, how can i forget all these?

see, i got played by my mind and devil.

but, God is greater than these things.

FOCUS on the right thing.

I need to reestablish my mind and life, let God control over my emotion and decisions.

and something very interesting that one of my friend Andy have told me:

"that's why they say, friends are just like the sand in your swiming suit"

kinda funny, he said he heard this from last Sunday.

God, You always use different ways to comfort us don't You?

anyhow, i know i am still in the learning process, where God is still dealing with my darkness, and my mind.

Change for the better, i guess i am in the loading ....57%

prayer prayer prayer

i need to start fast and pray early in the morning

stand still

and have party about all things that happened.

cause You love me still

PS. Thank you Jasmin, Timu, Jack, May, Yusuke, mommy, Howard, Amy, Frank, Joy, and school friends.

Special Thanks to Jesus.

because You are good

nEw tHinGs EveRyDay_

2008-02-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

so, as the time goes by.. i can feel the stress on me is getting heavier

bad grammar still.. no faith on myself at all..
but i know.. i need to ask God for help

anyhow
this is what i want to share today.

today, i say thank you to a men who's hired for clearing the road.
God told me to do it.
at first i was struggling because i think its stupid to do it
but..
its not
i enjoy the surprising smile
"thank you" i said
"uh.. what?" he reply
"thank you"i said
"you're welcome" he smile

so cute
God just love everyone He created.
and when people are appreciate at one and other
He's happy too..

He just want me to show His love to that men
and i just like to say thank you
sample but powerful
can make other people's day
i say thank you to the people who wash our dishes.
and the people who serve me

and i always have time to open door, pick stuff up and earn other's thanks.
i love it

because i can see smiles and smile back..

for my class today was fun.
lots games that i have learned from my acting class..
i can just play in different events that Impact have
so much fun
and

i just love God
no time for emo or anger
so yea

i want to be more like u
and lovable

thank You JESUS

sAdnEsS transform to Praises_

2008-02-11T00:31:00.000-08:00

in my life, lots up and down.
like this time.
very down. have nothing else to do, but pray.

feel betray, madness, sad, depress...etc.
man, shut up emo.

i should be happy today.
because i am still alive, and God still love me as who i am
and i praise so hard tonight

what else?

i mean...God, thank You for putting Sarah, Alice, and their whole family in my life.
they are so sweet and supportive.
feel so much love and understanding from them
warm and lovely.

God just want me to learn as much as i can in different difficult time.
and.. i should dry all the tears away

i am tired

of all these drama thing
and the hurt feeling.

i just want it to stop

and..

just no more being Ms. nice
because they are not see me as friends.
i will just be someone they know
and answer their questions.
that's all

my eyes are dry again

its okay
its gonna be alright

next semester
i will be better.
i will pray
i will hope

its okay
hope u guys will be happy
and get along
bfs.

i am just a person who passing by
no need worry or care

i am me
no more denied and changing
because i can be me again
don't need to try to fit in

my God accept me and want me to learn
so i obey
and i want to be happy

okay
i am done talking today
tired
God bless you all

sleeping time =]

nEw sKiLl fRom God_

2008-02-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

so crazy, my God is so crazy.

I found out something that God has put on me...

a new "skill"... wow..

i can feel or hear things from God before it happen..

and it happened few times within this week already

which you can see in blog...

and i felt it again.
today is Chinese new year eve
and then...
i got to stay in Long Beach, because i have class tomorrow.
and then Steph and May got to go home.

so i went to eat alone.
but God love me so much He let me know this before it happen

i was in my last class, i was filled by holy spirit..
i can felt it, the warm feeling flow from head to toe.
after all, God gave me a feeling about that May is going home and she's going to call me and tell me about it.
(because she wasn't sure if she's going home because she's sick.)

then i got her voice mail about she's going home with steph and steven.
and because i have class till 4.30 so they are not going to wait for me
which is only 30 mins later

but anyhow, i got a chance to go out with my RA
we went to bought text books, and i got to ate dinner with her

(Thank God i wasn't alone, that made me felt better)

so anyhow, i got to know her better and i bought a 2 dollars instant noodle bowl.
Japanese style, good but fat
so what.. i got to make myself feel better right?
ha

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
lots text to read
but feel okay

cause God gave me a great gift!
i can feel or hear things before it happen

Thank YOU JESUS!

On TiMe_

2008-02-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

God, You are always on time.
Thank You and praise You for that...

hey, anyone really reading my blog?
i tried to record everything that's amazing in my life....
didn't see some response like before

humm
its okay..
i just write for God ...

anyhow, as today, i was worry about my finical money is not coming in, which i have two more text to buy.
And i was waiting for my sociology text still...

worry and worry just running on my head.
and today is the first day i started fast meat, tried to worship wherever i go..
and somehow lots worries just hit my head..
i have no control at all....

so after class, i was wondering around, saw the price of the two text, my heart was like dropped down... to very deep hole..

i have no idea where the money is coming from.. since my mom said bank doesn't content as much money as we need.

somehow, i went to financial office to asked about my check.
while i wait in the line, a voice told me, " have you check your dorm mail box?"
i was shock ... cause i haven't.
but still... i used my little human head to think about this.
No, i said to God, because i changed my mailing address to Bakersfield before winter break.
its not possible for them to mail here...
so God said, "fine, then you keep waiting then."
During that time, God give me a feeling about that both text and check are here already.
but i wasn't sure.

so i kept waiting till i started complain.
the line is long, and took so long.
God was like, "i told u"

then i finally got to speak with the guy..
he asked me if i am sure that i didn't get it
so i asked him if its mail to Bakersfield.
which all you know, its in my dorm mail box.
and its true

both my TEXT and CHECK is here!!!!!!!

so happy

for awhile

then i started worry again
i hate it!!!!!
go away!

man..
i think i hurt my mom by not trust her with money
cause i called her and asked for about last check i got from school
all gone...

for family issues

still i really hope i can save some money
i feel no secure at all

and i didn't mean to hurt

ANYONE

GOd... please

i know You love me
please provide me a JOB!
i need it so bad.
awwwwwwwww

Thank You

God, You are too amazing_

2008-02-01T01:12:00.000-08:00

okay, where to start?

let's start from this: Thank you John, Sarah, Alice, and Jas who always common on my blog, very courage, and is something that keeps me going.

and then, what i want to share today is that....
God so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want to talk about something God have prepared for me in this semester.
First, i didn't know this semester will cost me that much.
on books alone, my acting class have to cost me almost $90, sociology class cost $120 for text, Anthology cost me $60 for the package, fitness cost $38 + sport shoes(haven't buy yet) + shorts(haven't buy yet)...my Lord, where are these money come from?

so, i pray to God, because i have no idea how i am going to get all these.
and i worried again..

God is always go beyond our minds...A men?
He's too amazing that i have to tell you all about what happened!

for my sociology, there's no way that i can find a cheaper book, not even used around the school book store or the book store near.
so i searched online, which i found on amazon.com that there's a guy who sale it for $82 something + $3.99 shipping fee..
no bad.. but i pray i will get it.. in faith ~

the next one its very cool..
my Anthology teacher have made this package which every students will have to buy, or else we have to find a student that he taught before.
which is very small chance and hard to do.. since our school have lots of students.
i was worry, because other class cost so much already, i really don't want to spend 60 dollars for a package that can't be sell back.

But God open a door for me. after i complain to God and asked for His help..something happened. before my class, i walked to the door saw a flyer says book for sale, with the same teacher and the packet that i need.. for $40 !!!
i called and today i got it!!!!!!!!!!
and i plan to do the same thing after i used it... sell to the next person ~

i was so happy~
but i need more amazing things to happen for my other two class, which now i truly believe something will just pop like these two crazy things that God have done for me.

and..
tonight, why i sleep so late?
because is our dorm's casino night...
which we get to gamble with "unreal" money..
and get chances to win some price..

guess what?

when May, Steven, and Steph asked me to lose all my money (because May have to wake up early for work so she want to go back early. In order to do that we will have to lose all our money to get out) i just kept winning.. like crazy..
in beginning i was lose and win .. nothing more.. and nothing less.
but after they wanted me to lose.. i just kept winning..
these two guys who played in the same table with me was kinda envy.
because i have won by getting black jack for 3 times a round.
(yes, yes, i played black jack)
i even told dealer that i am trying to lose all the money, and these guys just told me to give them money, but i didn't..
dealer said i shouldn't because first, they came for meet with some pretty girls like me, (shy.. i am not ha) and second, they are too chicken to bet 100 like me..

i was happy though.. hahha even though it came from a "old" men..

anyway..

guess what?
i ended up with seven raffle tickets ..

and

i won a gift card for OLD NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!

wakakaka..

$15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A free gift from God!!!!!!!
New YEAR gift ~~~~~~~ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

God, You are too cool..

man..
i love You so much ai~

so yea..
just share my happiness~

tears_

2008-01-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

These few days, i found my tears been falling so often.
After the amazing conference- Prophetic House of Prayers, something was being remind again.
And something is going to be deal with (inside of me).
suppose after attended a conference people will feel fresh, joyful, renew, love, full of energy.
but, i become so depress, so easy to hit the point of depress, fear, blind.

i should have fast and pray hard for this "thing" inside of me.
Annie was the first one who found out what have happened to me.
I always have problem with deeper worship, only few times that i have experiences deep worship. And i know it is not deep enough for me.
last Sunday, somehow it hit to a point where i can't worship anymore.
which scared me, i didn't know what happened.
i know God knows everything..
so..i put everything before Him.

In the conference, i cried a lot, too.
during the time that i went on the stage, when they were pray for people who work or learn media and art. I smelled God's smell, the very first time. its like flower smell, the mixed kind, but better than that, better than perfume. Amazing smell, i love it!!!!!!!
good choice God, jkjk..
the smells just on and off, so i been asking God to proved it if its His smell.
and the smell just come back.
and, after they told us to kneel down, i was crying and open up to God.
All the sudden, i felt the floor was shaking. So real and crazy.

I want to fly, dream, and love again.
i chose to live, i want to do something for You, God.
I'll wait till You come back.

all speakers are amazing, the massage were very powerful and useful.
i was very touching at the moment when the younger generation washed older generation's feet...
i cried so much.
without the price older generation has paid, we will never be like this.

Abortion, homosexual, very serious problem today.
we need to stand up and against it.
Pray harder and harder

God, i want You more than anything
I want to know Father's voice, and find Your heart on me
God, Thank You for see us before our sins
I want to become a person who speaks life, be courage!!!

and then baby video, i cried like crazy, too.
but is so meaningful.
how that every life counts in God's eyes.

I saw the video John posted on his facebook, then i fall in love with
STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN..
i want to marry a guy who's like him, deep love with God, done so much for God.
heard lots songs from him before, but never get to know him
finally, i really hope sunday can sing his songs,
i really want to sing.. live OUT LOUD!!!!!!! so cute
touch me. and i cried

i cried harder when i heard when love takes you home

like the whole song, i just cried
and felt God's spirit fall on me again

Lord, i want to do more
for You
alone

i don't hAvE, bUt God hAvE_

2008-01-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

Yes! I don't have, but You Have... that's what happened to me today..

At home, Bakersfield, during the end of the winter break..
Nice, warm, and lovely...
Little fight, but still nice

first cool thing that happened is:
my brother's internet. Very bad... Not stale at all..
Have to re-start all the time...
After all... me and bro will get crazy about it..

But today.. After woke up, tried to watching TV online, but keep failed..
piss, but praise my God.. after all.. peace and joy fill in my heart again..
then..........God gave me one of the story from Bible..
the women who got told not to turn her head back..
so I did.. didn't turned my head back to the online little black box..
and.. the thing work again!! And stay long..
Thank God..

The most important thing that i want to share is...

tonight... I went out with my dear mama..
We went to buy something for my dorm wall.. which look too white.. nothing on there..
So we went... but so funny..
we end up go around different stores shopped around..
then .. we went into this store called OfficeMax..
because I need USB for my printer..
which it cost like $17.99...so high
and I checked for the ink, it cost like $24.99..so much na..
so I was about to give up..
then this guy name John.. the worker who help me..
he told my mom and I that there's a printer on sale..
good brand.. Canon, which is better than my old printer Epson..
the normal price was $99.99 and it cut down to $49.99
then.. 20% more...so it became $38.00 something+ tax..
but John will gave us 5% more.. which is his own discount
(and the cool thing about this printer is that ..for ink.. it only cost 19.99)

after all..

you all know what price it end up with?

it was $28.00 something+ tax!!!!!!!!!!!

so then..

God is crazy..
hahahha..
i was worry about spend too much money .. cause mom didn't earn much
but God proved it! what we don't have.. He have!!!!
my God.. and this is not it..

i still need USB line... cause the new printer didn't include it..
but my mom and i didn't want to spend $17.99 on that..

so .. my mom had a idea.. she wanted to find it on 99 cent store..
i was like.. no it won't sell it there..

so we went to 99 cent store.. and .. somehow i went to the line where the tools at..
i still didn't think they sell it..
my mom so faithful she's like.. God prepared..
and i heard God said "little faith"..
i stopped..
and my mom found it..
but i still can't be fully believed it work..
so we tried after got home

and yea you are right.. it DOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so we were about to spend $17.99 (USB)+ $29.99 (ink)
and end up spend not more than $30.00 for a NEW printer and USB...

so amazing

i hope i have more time to spend with mama..

Should I go to conference? Or stay?

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Lord, help!!

Thank you so much Jesus...
my mama said U love me so much that's why U prepared everything i need fo rme
but will say U love both me and my mama so so so so much!!!

So whenever we got together... Crazy things will happen!!!!!!!

Lover! i love U.. Thank YOU

tHeSe dAyS_

2008-01-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

These days, lots things happened..
I guess I will just simply write it down.
(even though I don't think many of you will have time to finish my "daily record"..)

Beginning of the Winter Break:

I hope i can rich all my wishes, such as: Read more Bible, Study for grammar, Have very close relationship with God... and more..
I feel good, because I get to rest...

Wisdom teethes pull out:

well, not a good experience, but then I breakthrough my fear and let God took control of my feeling.
Even though I still shack like crazy, but then during that time God comforted me with His voice, "In love there's no fear", and the words from Bible....
It feel very painful and sounds very scary.. but then with God's love I overcome it and made it twice.

m teethes was stock on my cheek bone, both of them... so its very hard for Dr. to pull it out.. as she used lots tools on my teeth, my fear grown bigger.. but still God is with me..
it felt like the longest hour in my life..= =
Thank God for Wang sister's ice bags and Yusuke and his mother's good care..
felt much better now..
Thank God..

Prayer meeting_

Even though I only made once to prayer room, but I thank God for gave me Jack and Annie as my leaders... I saw Jack prayed so hard for new comers, even wanted us to do it..
which is very touching moment..
they worked so hard..spend so much time, energy and money on us..
I was hoping to painting some pic.. but yea.. ha ha

anyhow, Thank you Jack and Annie, and Thank You my Lord..

Dream_
I woke up in the middle of the night..
it was weird, because I have a random dream..
I was working, but i don't know what my job is..
and somehow a woman came in with a baby boy.
I saw two big and deep scotch on his arm..
and it was cut long ago...so blood was dry already..
and the baby boy don't show any reaction, he didn't cry or anything...
he looked been abused too much.. so he didn't have any emotion
that woman wanted me to cut him more..
i was shock and don't know what to do ..
my heart was crying out, i felt so sad and i am too fear to do it..
so all i did was call Annie and told her everything..
Annie told me not to hurt him but heal him
so i did it, i sew up the old scotch and inside of my heart was crying out..
that woman was piss by my action, she kicked me and push me ..
i held the baby tried to protected him

i have no idea what this dream was about when i woke up in the middle of the night
during cell group last sat.
after told everyone about my dream
Josh told me what he thought, he told me he think that baby boy is Jesus, his love is so tender and soft, every time we sin, its like we cut him ourselves .. very deep cut...
and that woman kinda represent satan.. always want us to hurt God's heart and love
i was touch by this dream and thank GOd for it..

God used me to touch people's heart_

i never knew that God will use my mouth to touch people's heart..
even though they know God better and longer than me

it was at night, Christin (Yusuke's sis) was talking to me before we sleep..
and out of no where i started talked about my feelings about how she's not close with God as before.. she has lots reasons, but somehow i told her how i feel and how God might feel..
and i told her about my dream..
amazingly, she started crying...
and she told me she haven't cried so hard for so long..
i told her God is not ashame to call us the chosen one, He is so willing to give us everything that He own to win our hearts, but we have to be ready..
and all these songs just came to my mind, so i used some words from it
and i told her that i saw in my mind..
that a girl who's eyes got blind with tight up with 布
then i saw she's trying to catch very pretty butterflies that fly around her..
there are tons of them, very pretty and very colorful..
but even they fly very near her.. she still can't get any of them
because she can't see..
and i knew what it mean.. these butterflies is like God's promises, and gifts, but when our heart or eyes got blind, we can't reach it, can't feel it..
so i told her..
and i thank God used me to get her back..

the other one that happened tonight..
a brother, not from our church..
but still i saw his SN on MSN.. sounds sad..
so i asked him how he doing..
he told me he want to quit.. cause he's so tired..
and he so surprised that even though i am not from his church but i care about him
and he told me i am the only one who ask him what's up
and i am not even from his church..
i knew it was God..
God help me to do His work..
so i pray for him..
and pray for other people online..

my need_

as the time close by (school start day), i gain more fear about it
stress, fear, and unseen things..
these just hit on me.. day by day
i don't know what happen
and i don't get it why so hard?
why so hard to be human..
i felt God.. yes i do..
and these experiences help me lots..
but still...
why people always want other's be perfect but they aren't?
i shouldn't worry at all.. i am sinning again..
please.. brothers and sisters.
if u have read all these.. please..
pray for me..
i need God..open my eyes again..

Thank You..

BlOg mOrE_

2008-01-10T00:04:00.000-08:00

hey.. fine.. i know... i am too lazy..
why am i always do this ...
wait till some "long" time and type down God's mercy..
or sometimes .. just forget it..

bad girl..

new year...
should done something new right?
so...
i decided..
i will type down what happened in my life lately..
in different sections..
wahahah
now i have to amke sections..

anyhow..

for LTC...
i really received a lot..

-first time i felt that pray is not a bored thing anymore
-first time i can pray and felt one hour is not enough
-i just want to run and yell to everyone how's alive and wake their spirit up
-i want to do lots lots things for HIM
-i can't wait till i being change and done something great for HIM
-i can't wait to seek HIM more and more

-and new IMPACT

Alice.. Thank you so much
i am so sorry that i didn't help you every time u need...
but u really done great job..
everyone can see it

Jesus.. Thank you too

YOur lovely love..
that everybody has received..

Good winter camp

and love Pastor Chen..

Thank you so much for great teaching..
so funny.. but so easy to remember
i won't keep my practice my 內功
i will just go out and fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hummm

good..

bReAktHrOugH in the eNd oF tHe yEaR_

2007-12-17T02:52:00.000-08:00

this weekend.. suppose, i am going to tell how bad is my weekend...
i was going to complain about my life..

somehow..
God changed everything.. even my attitude is changed..
in the morning i can say.. something big just broke me down..
this is what happened:

this Christmas party was amazing.. but somehow it turns out weird after that night..
mom got confuse and misunderstand about what i have done..
she thought i am careless about her and my brother..
but i was busy with the drama and music..
so i really don't know why she got so mad..
i was so depress.. i don't know what to do ..
she won't listen to whatever i tried to say..
it all started with my brother but somehow i don't know why the arrow turned to me..
i am the one who want to spend with her.. the one who miss her the most..
and i want to let her stay with me longer..
but all she thought is in negative side..

i cried so much this weekend.. like crazy..
but thank God.. my eyes is still pretty and big.. >///< style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">i was asking him about if i am one of the hindrance that he can't be more close with God..
and the one who he been spend lots time with..
he said sort of....

so i asked him.. should we take a break.. like ... spared for awhile..
because i really don't want us become that hindrance between God and us..
and he asked me will i feel sad for long time if we really did..
i said yes.. then he said then that's no point..
too sad.. will only focus on tears, and ourselves..
why don't we grow together..

i agree

and we did see the blessing that God has pull down..
such as my mom and his mom become better friends..
and he said its time that we should focus on God more and more
also, he want us to have to praying time back again
somehow the topic turned to be about my personalities,

and it became a very serious topic to talk about..
he told me he been view me as a friend or someone he don't know that well..
and he saw the way that i talked, treated my friends..
he told me the reasons why lots of people who were very close to me,
but after awhile, they just have no more connection or just few connection with me
its been a problem..
so he told me that..
is my weakness, i like to telling jokes, but sometimes too much
i hurt people..
yes i care lots of them and really put love on them
but still.. i always don't look at myself..
but always look at others' problems..
which is bad..
and i really don't want to see myself be like this anymore
i really want some true best friends..
tired to be alone.
tired to be so "strong" like i can do everything.

i am so little..
i am so childish..
if he and Paul didn't remind me of all these..
i might still think its just my bad luck that i can't get any best friends in my life.

i heard all these, i was broken down..
cried so hard..
felt like loser, a frailer..
spend so much time to build relationships with others..
but always end up "fail"

so i repeat..
so sadly.. slowly.. then finally better..

i want to become a better person, better friend..
i become very humble asked for help
say sorry to the one that i hurt..

if any of you been hurt by my words, actions..
i am very very sorry.
i really do..
please forgive me
give me one more chance to prove that i can do better
and i love you all
thank you for being my friends

i am trying..
to be better..
i am praying..
still breakthrough on my life..
even now is the end of the year.
but..
breakthrough is never enough

thank You God..
let me know why all these happened..
only because You love me so much
You want me to change..
You don't want me to learn in hard way anymore..
You want to see me grow and get better..
God..
please let me know who am i
and teach me more
with Your love

Praise You

love You so much

i learned..
i know is from You..

thank You.

in You..
everyone is winner..

^^because we overcome ourselves..

tHiS wEeKeNd..(HOPE)_

2007-12-11T00:15:00.000-08:00

God, What can I say more ? You are so amazing!!!
While I was still in the confusion about the law: SB 777..
which is something that I really want to stop for happening next year..

and.. God spoke though Pastor David.. and gave us a "hope" message!!!
Thank You God... always comfort us with Your love..

"Trust the Lord before trust on anything else"

Topic: Goals

Goals decide our attitude; Attitude decide our sense of Joy
Sense of Joy decide our purpose!!

If we don't have strong goals, then we will have no purpose..
Just like the world people.. run and trick others.. but don't know where they are hitting..
can't be like football player without rules or ends..
We have to set up our goals, before we running forward.

God created us as desire of having goals.

Most importantly.. we need to know what's our end zones..
Two most important end zones for the people who love God:
1. Rev. 7: 9-15
2. Rev. 20

when you know these end zones and set it on our life, none of the world things will touch you!
we won't care about world things..!

Seven years before God come back, many people will suffer and in the darkest time ever! But it will be a honer time for churches. Because there will be many and many people will come to Christ!!!

What scares me is that, within 30-50 years all systems (government, educations, and economic) will be control by devil!! >0< The darkest place would be market place..

but what bring me hope and open my eyes is that, even thought the darkest time is coming, but it means the lightest time, and with the biggest power- God is coming back too!!!!

We should start build up another network, a new government, educations, and economic..
it will become a choice for people to choose.. between Dark and light!
we are the Light of the Earth!

Churches need to united together and build up a network .. which is a kingdom of God!!

So, as students, we need to learn as hard as we can, God use our skills to save people!
We have to be better than our peers.. proved that Godly people can do well, too!

God allows to let world systems to help us
but.. DO NOT rely on them...

Use all I have to put on God's kingdom.. and when He comes.. hand over for Him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are so powerful.. its a very powerful message to me..
Also I have experienced God once again during Sunday ..
God remind me again that I have heart of lost souls..
I repent so hard before God.
I confess what I haven't done for Him..
I confess that I always on my comfort zones..
and I confess for my sins..

Pastor David pray for me, and told me that I might not think I know alot, or have many skills.
But God didn't think that.. he told me I will be surprise how much I can influence people's life..
this is very encourage.. because I really don't think I am "something".. and i don't think I have too much to teach others..
But after Pastor David told me this.. I am so touching.. by the way God used me..
Also, he told me that I have to stand up to speak for Hope.. At church, at school, any place!

God is so good..
I am so fill with Holy Spirit
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, I went to LAX, because one of my friend are going back to Hong Kong.. and He won't come back for long living..
which is very sad.. and he is also one of Yusuke's best friend..
very sad.. and a long day..
before today.. last night.. I found out that I lost one of my eye contact..
so important to me!! I don't know how can that happened
I am so sad and mad about it..
Sarah so faithful.. told me to pray.. it will be fine..
even though I didn't find it at Sarah's house..
but somehow God put peace inside of me..

but now..
I am kinda sad..
I feel like I am a big trouble cost girl
I still have ticket to pay (the one that I got because I didn't wear seat belt) 80!
now I miss my eye contact.. which cost over 100

My mom work so hard.. I don't want her to spend money on my stupid stuff!!
God.. have mercy on me!!
Help!

I am sinning again!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

stop already!

eNvY heArT..oH nO_

2007-12-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

yes, ENVY.. and yea.. very bad..
God, so weird.. why?
I am so jealous of the rich people..
especially it comes up with non-Christan ..

Sometimes I wonder why... it seems like "more" Christan have financial problem..
and non-Christan are higher income..
I don't know.. maybe because that's what I have saw..
and I know there are lots rich Christan as well..
it just that..

hummmmmmmm

after check on one of my non-Christan's space..
I felt so .. envy and tired of being poor.
why? I wonder so hard..
why? I grown in a family which I have to worry about money all the time..
and she.. never have to worry..
the only time she worry about money is when she don't have enough money to buy some name brand bag..
and.. I don't really spend money on my daily based.. but still ..
I am young girl.. I would like to buy some pretty things to wear, to look good.
I just don't get it!!!!!!

why she get to go to lots countries and have fun..
don't have to worry about money or school?
why she get to go to these places shopping all she want..
and seems like no limit of it?
why she so young and get to enjoy all these..
and never have to suffer with money issues?

I know, I know I am being so.. envy now..
and I know after she grow up older.. she will suffer with dealing her "wants" too.
but maybe her family will just support her whole life.. and still rich..
awww
hate to think about these kinda things

I am not so into name brand and all that..
and I am not so into world things like them..

But I just can't stand that when I have to wait and being so careful about every dollar I spend..
others can just buy something that I never can buy in my age...
get to do something I want to do so bad..

I feel so .. cheap..
when the time that comes with the stuff that I want and after I share with others..
they will always be like.. "Oh.. that's very cheap.. why don't you just buy it?"
but in my eyes.. they are not cheap..
it made me feel like I am so stingy..
and because of my family income.. I don't get to buy the thing that I want..
the environment that my mom can provided are only limit for "ON SALE" stuff..
and I agree that we can always find great stuff in cheap price too..
I will always think that my mom don't even get to buy something
so I shouldn't spend too much..

but my brother can just spend without thinking.
so as others..
they are wealthy.. they don't care..

This kinda self talk .. its been annoy me..
sometimes I am okay with what I have.. or even happy
but sometimes I just can't help..

everything that people think is cheap or okay price
its not okay with me..
and I will always think it too much..

sounds like I am from country or something..

God, why?
why our family can't be wealthy?
not the time yet?
or we are not following Your way?

God, why?
why I feel this way?
because I am not close enough to You?
or because I am just greed?

God, why?
why non-Christan seems more wealthy and enjoy their life
and we are suffer with money issues?

Maybe..I am just too envy..
I have an envy heart..

take away please..
I don't want to sinning anymore God..

Still praise You..

Thank You Lord..

please answer my wonder..

wOrshIp tImE iS bAcK 2 mY lIfE_

2007-12-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

">
Wonderful God...place spirit hunger in my heart once again.
Today, I worship Him for almost a hour..
the first time, i felt God's present in my dorm room.
I started repeated and cried out to God..

I started with hillsong's "with All I am", my hands felt heat, and tears falling..
been so long.. i need God's touch.. and love
so i started worship and pray in tongue for school, for myself..
and i bow down when i am listened to "beautiful God"...
When I heard planetshakers' I am not ashamed.
I started dance like crazy. I felt so free in Him..

the song that touched me the most is.. fall in this place..

yes.. God take me deeper..
to a place only me and You..
Holy Spirit, I want more and more of You..

Thank You Jesus..

feel so good.. ^^

---------------------------------------------------------------------

about the date with God..
i didn't go .. cause the garden is close..= =
but then i still pray and read Bible in my room...
still good..
but i am not that concentrate.. ahhaa.. that's kinda bad
cause of internet!!
God.. forgive me ai

like Yusuke said..
there's not time for us to sinning..
alot of times, we just think that..
God's mercy is like a tap..
whenever we want or need.. it will just fall..
but no...
God is willing to forgive us because of His love..
Not because we can waste it..

so..
time to get up..
no more sinning.. or lazy..
no more reasons to worry or do anything that will not depend on God..

So...
Thank You God..

wEiRd, why?_

2007-12-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

I feel weird..why?
I feel like i am not myself why?
I feel i am kinda far from God why?
I feel so much stress fall upon me again why?
I feel like to run away why?

lots why ... running around my mind.. i am not sure if i can take this anymore..

its been long time, haven't feel like this..
maybe because i am not running that fast.. so i am falling behind?
or maybe because i am sinning so God is not near me anymore?

I want to cry.. but i can't..
i guess people will have this moment.. everyone of us..
or maybe just only me..

don't ask me why i am so hard to deal with my emotion..
don't ask me why i get mad so easy..
don't ask me if i am good person or not.
don't tell me if i am just normal little ugly girl..

i don't know..
i really don't know what i am doing..
why i am in college
or even why i feel so tired of all these..

i don't know
i really don't know why i feel this way
and why i can't rest well
or even can't not do well on anything..

and i mean ANYTHING>.

i guess..

i am just..

not doing right.. all the time

i guess..

i am just

not worth to be understand sometimes..

God, You here?

Hello?

do You still there for me?

i feel kinda hurt..
and tired..

take me away to a better place...
can we date tomorrow?

lets meet at Japanese Garden tomorrow okaY?

please?

i need to see u .. and talk to u ...

thank you..

wahAhA...lOcK oF sLeEp_

2007-11-15T13:14:00.000-08:00

wakaka.. what can i say.. college.. u sucks!

humm... this is what happened..

Last night i was working on my "research", so called "murder" boring work ever.. in my dictionary...awwwwwwwwwwww

and then.. i gone crazy.. haha..
i went to library and spend two to three hours over there..
running like bee.. search for books that i can use..
and almost everything is taken..

freak out..

so i started pray..
ask God to give me some books..

and then.. God gave me three books!!!!!!!!!!! my Lord.. He's great like that!!

and i done everything that day..

all the searching sources, even topic.. ((i don't even have a topic))
that's what God promised me, i spend my time for Him.. He will taking over my business... its true.. it happened.

even though i only get to sleep for two hours...
but God gave me energy!!!!!!!!!

i can still take my exam, and i can still listen to teacher..

amazing!!!!!!!!

God even send angels over...
my Dear Salaaalalla helped me a lot.. even though i keep hurried her.. (i am so mean).. and then.. dear Lissette helped me on search for the resources..
because of her.. i even get to use "free" printer..

God so great that He even let me prophecy on myself..

before i go to sleep... i have a thought pops out..
that i am going to over sleep for 9 mins..
so i should change my alarm for extra early 10 mins...
but i didn't.. cause i am so tired that i just want to ignore that thought..

and i did!!!!!!!! almost ALMOST over sleep..

and is exactly 9 mins... isn't that crazy..?!
my first thought of this.. is " that's so cool.. "
not like " oh GOd i am late.." but cool
hahaha.. so random. God gave peace...

and.. then......

i asked God help me not be late.
and i asked Him to show me if i am going to have energy and be able to do good with the exam..

and.. so i told Him.. " please.. if teacher comes before i do.. then that means my exam gonna go bad.. but if not.. then means u will be here and help me"

and then..

guess what?!

teacher is late for almost 6 mins..

seeeeeeeeeee

and for next class.. which is the class that i have to turn in my research..

all my work.. is worth..

she like my effort.. and she even gave me extra points on my extra hard work
and she said.. "u did great job.."
i almost want to shout out "God did for me!"

no Him.. i have no strength and can't concentrate
and no angels.. hehe

so ............

GOd love me so much

He's a crazy God..

He went crazy just for you.. that's how much He loves u

I love You too God..

<333333

PS now i am goin to take my nap

so God.. meet me in my dream please
i want to kiss u for today! hehe..
>///<

stories ShArInG_

2007-11-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

since I want to improve my English grammar and writing skills,
I required myself to read some short stories everyday..
somehow, God love me so much .. that I have found something very sweet and relate to God..

I don't know these stories are relate to God till I have read it...

here is the stories that I really like:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dads Blessings

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry, he raised his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. And as he did, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss Spirit's blessings and answers to our prayers because they do not arrive exactly as we have expected?

TODAY'S's affirmation: "Today I look beyond the obvious and allow miracles to be created in my life."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Box Full of Kisses

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."

The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her, stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all. I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses... from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inspirational love stories - Love and Time

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

hope u all like it.... <333

with love xoxoxo

wEiRd DrEaMs_

2007-11-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

weRid dReamS...so many of them.. and these happened all in one day.... today!
i woke up with werid dreams this morning..
in "real" life, my mom is sick.. with the red spots and its itch and hurting..
she tried to take allergy or common cold medicine.. but non of it work...it only make her feel dizzy and uncomfortable..so she couldn't do anything just lay on the bed..
i am worry about it.. but i kno i shouldn't.. so i pray with my mom before i go to sleep..

and then.. i woke up with this dream, that i couldn't go back to see her..
cause i am too far away.. i have fear all over me, cause i don't want to (never want to ) lose her..
so i keep praying and crying out in my dream
somehow i get home, but its nothing like in "real" life, its a very different house,
and my mom lay on the bed, just told me my aunt bought me a doll,
and my grandma is even there..
so random... somehow.. i just dream about that my mom's sickness is getting worse..
and i worry so much.. that i have to keep praying..
but anyway, this dream end up in random way that i don't even remember..

so i woke up, started pray for my mom.. and i believe this dream aren't going to happen, because my mom's life is in His hand..

so i read bible in the morning again... keep continue on the chapter that i left last time..
and since the time that i started all over to read bible ...
i am "studying" it.. not only reading it..
i read slowly... and tried to understand every part of the storied or events that happended...
or even tried to understand the family tree(which i used to dislike the most)

God is amazing.. haha put intesrts on my heart.. push me to read it..

cause of these weird dreams.. i even started bring my bible with me ..
and read it in the class.. while i am waiting or.. when teacher are BSing..

after class.. i went back to dorm .. i am too tired.. so i fall sleep again..

then... i started dreaming weird dreams again..!!!
i dream about my most beloved cousins all turn against me..
which remind me a little on the past (they done that to me when i cried or snitch too much..)

but then ... the family are celebrate for may month birthday. which we have two in these cousins.. and..including me..
this should be something happy.. how come it turns like this?

i got all confuse in my dream.. but i still praying and asking God give me peace..
cause i am kinda abash..
anyhow.. the dream changed to school..
and ...
the people at school are weird too..
i was lost.. at school, and there is a assembling... i couldn't find the place(wow.. devil even know i am stupid with direction) so i keep asked the people around me..
but no one stop to answer my questions.. or they just being very impatience about me..

so i just walk to whatever i thought its right..
and.. i was late.. since i was lost..

everybody looked at me as i am a loser...= =
so random..

and i woke up with confusion..
there's nothing i can do with dreaming
but i still know to pray.
praise my Lord.. u r great.. for u are awsome..

humm...
i was thinking.. is that.. because i pray and read bible..
more than usual.. so that devil worry.. so it used dream to attacked me?
humm...
i guess...
i need to pray harder..
and i don't care if i am goin to dream more weird dreams
cause my God is BIG
wakakaka

love You.. Lord..

aWwWWwww_

2007-10-25T01:13:00.000-07:00

I really don't..
............. ...........don't* like.......
............when people said...

.......i am too into religion**......

cause I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just being who i am..
and love God whole heartly**

how many times i have to say this over and over

...............again?**

just talked to a firend .. that i known for long time........

he just broke up with his gf..
and i told him.. see..
don't learn from painful way....

he said "no pain, no gain**"
and then he told me how much i been
CHANGED**.......that i am so religion*.....

awwwww...
i really don't like to talk to the people who don't understand God's love**

that made me feel like...
i can't talk or something..

the just DON"T understand..
keep tellin me religion is not real...

but they can't answer me any questions that i been asked...

God..!!!!!! U crazy..

U love Ur people like crazy**

please.. show them what i see.. what i have been experienced..**

yes..!!!! that's what they need**

now..!!!!! please....

going creazy..

hey.. btw...

i am going back to reading Bible life style again!!!!***
isn't that amazing ??

i dont' know where to began.. so i read from the very very begining...

the first page..
and.. i am more into it.. than before..
so fun..

stories are intersting now..

thank You*** Daddy****

i love You****

tHeSe DaYs_

2007-10-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

Lots things are in my big head now.. don't know where to start..
Maybe because of the heat around my room?
Maybe because of the dusty air ..?
Maybe because I don't now whatever I want to say...

or just maybe.. i want to say something.. as least list out what have happened in my life lately..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fri. >> came back from LB..dating with Yusuke.. eating dinner in 頂泰豐, very nice very nice.. after that Jack's house.. fun and seiours meeting.. prepare for future and understand what i have to do ..

Sat. >> "dating" with baby Sarah and the girl she's caring now, have fun in the mall and shopping.. bought some "cheap" clothes.. ^^ <<3> my sista
Then, a very depress "wave" meeting..very first time, feel the stress from leader... and I know in order to be a leader, people have to take that kinda test and to take it without complain..
as a "leader wanna be"...i know i should have to learn from it.. and understand how to control group members and own emotion...

Sun. >> singing the very first time short solo..almost mess it up.. very nervous and hope i did okay.. great message.. and i should start daily Bible study.. stop being lazy .. after that i decided to stay over one more night.. since i only have one class at monday.. so i chose to stay over in my "old" friend's house.. which heard lots sad things that happened lately in her life.. i felt so sad.. tears almost falling down.. cause she used to pray and love God when she were little... but now she experienced all these bad things...and she refuse to know more about God, not even listen to Chirstian music..

Mon. >> sleeping over.. tried to know her life... which sleep at 4 AM since she can't sleep ... and she don't want to think too much.. so she want to driving around and eat and stuff..after all.. her birthday is today.. so i went to mall with her.. just to buy birthday gift... Yusuke and i bought something very valueable for her.. which she chose it.. but.. we all think it worth it.. cause.. she been helping me alot.. and i hope our action can make her view herself valuealbe as well..
My dear mom...she's been piss and mad at me about money.. about i didn't go to that "one" class.. i mean.. come on... who haven't skip class as college student?
i mean.. i haven't skip anything till that day..
so she's yelling about how i am coping these kinda bad action, and if i do that one more time she will force me to go back to Bakersfield for college.. HA..
i don't know i know i will do it again no matter what..i don't get it how people like to self-contradiction so much..i mean.. she told me that i am 18...i can make my own choice and half on my own.. i didn't do drugs, didn't kill people..
awww.. she's been action crazy again..

i see her as mom.. so i told her.. she said okay.. but everytime after things pass.. she will started action crazy about it..
called me and hang up after yelling at me..
and i started found out some of my action is from my mom
so i feel very bad** for Yusuke.. cause i done that sometimes..

about some other thing that i worry the most is that..
Joy have made a big changed in her life..
and i don't know...
i really don't know .. cause i hate breaking up..
i just ... feel the big fear inside..

i don't know what to do with it..

oh God.. please...

I really don't like to being poor.. and fighting the same old topic with my mom over and over .. i really don't like to breakin up...
and i don't want to refuse Your will..
please... talk to me..
let me see what You want me to know.. and what You want me to see..

i am lost.. and worrying.. i know i shouldn't be...
cause You search me and know my way..

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

really don't like this feeling.....

******btw.. about the fire thing that is going on right now..

make me feel and think is end time some how..
how can these "major" fire happened in same day..

JEusS is CoMiNg...

College life.... new LiFe...

2007-10-20T01:59:00.000-07:00

I should have write about this earlier.. too busy.. not time for writing about my life..
and.. since Jack said we should start writing down what God have done to our life..
I chose to OBEY!!!! YAY....:)

.......................................................................................................

Since the school started for 6 weeks already..
lots things have happened... and I did learned things from these experiences..
such as how to take notes, how to live with others, how to talk, how to express feelings, how to talk, and even... how to eat..

Long Beach is pretty cool place, everything is new to me..
after these weeks, I started feel.. like old student...
I still remember the first time when God used some guy to cheer me up...
(he stop me when i am on my way to my class.. asked me if i know Jesus..)
so cool.. and i still remember... when Holy spirit follow me when i sining praises ..
how They fullfill me.. and the lovely touch..
i still remember.. when Holy spirit "force" me to open my mouth and pray...in tongue...
and to remember people's faces and pray for them
i still remember .. when anti Christ entered our school and yelled at people about how God hate them.. which is not true.. but it let me experience God's feeling.. how sad He is .. and the tears on my eyes...

when i felt drepess...
"be still and know that He is God.. " from my new friend's mouth..

God is with me everyday.. and i can feel it.. He is so close to me.. that i love Him so much..
whenever i am in troble... such as don't know what to do .. or teacher don't like me..
He is always there to comfort me.. to Love me...

i know He's so wonderful that i have to obey His will...
and i will go.. for Him alone..

i don't care how people say about me...
but i care how God view me..

fear not! cause the only one that i should fear of is my Lord...

Thank you ...

for loving me..
for helping me..
for taking such good care about me..

can explian how many things that happened during my "new" life..
and i don't know what will happen next..
but i will trust Him, and try to be "worry free"..
this is too... "holy holy".. hahha

but i will try to updating..
and yea..

God i love u .. night night...

Stop it.. my crazy thoughts_

2007-08-02T03:32:00.000-07:00

why am i always..jealousy about what other people have??
what happen to me? can't i just satisfied with whatever i have now???
i have problem... can't concentrate on God alone.. always spend all my time for nothing..
till sleep time, and only pray hard when i half fall sleep..

what's wrong with me?
___no one can answer...
i know its a big problem that i don't want to face it...
++i want a better life, better income, and more more stuff that i want...

i am too greedy, why am i so greed like people who don't know GOd..
maybe i just want to hide, maybe i just want to try..
but.. never enough...

and... God.. please answer me... speak to my heart...
i am almost blind...
__can i see U???

shouldn't ask too much...
i am still alive...
God is not here yet...
i should be happy that i still have chance to change, still have time to start new..

but.. just need U, Lord, without U.. i can't do nothing..
and nothing will change..

So God.. come... come to my heart..
tired to be so greed.. and empty...
so yea..

FAITH!

all around the wOrLd- mOnEy

2007-07-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

I hate money!!!! if u are reading my blog, u might think i am stupid or crazy..
but.. "that thing" has been a problem since i am born..
God .. i know u are there.. i hope u can listen to my prayer..

Dear Lord, my Father..
i know U know all my need... but Lord.. i want to ask U to free me.. from all these worries and the stress..
God, i know i didn't spend time with U alone for so long, all i am doing its just search for something that i don't need for now..
Jesus, i know U are the God who will prepare everything for the one who in need, but God i want more..
i want to know the answer. i am tired that everytime i wonder, all i got its slience.. its driving me crazy..
but i know i didn't try my best to be close to U.. and it is my job to read more Bible and pray..
GOd.. set the fire in my heart..
i need U more and more..
i don't want to be worldly.. i want to be near U..
God.. help.. let me know what's the most important thing in my life..
what's the thing that U want me to do ..
Review my life.. let me know what should be get rid off..
GGGOOODDD>
i am goin crazy..
stop all these weird thinking.. i know U r always there for me..
so Lord.. keep me in Ur arm.. never let me go..

sOmeThIng iN my HearT_

2007-07-21T23:18:00.000-07:00

Tell you about it...
Something that we all have..
something we feel with..
Something I can't explain very detail..
It is called "heart".. which God have put something called "free will" in it..

SO.. because of it.. can't really do things right..
maybe make mistakes sometimes...
but it bugs me like crazy...
because.. i want to do things right.. for Jesus..

but.. so hard..but.. too much reasons..
just like if u ask people why they don't want to trust God..
they will find more than ten reasons why...
it just.. too much things that pull me out from right way...

what is that suppose mean>?...
i don't even know what am i talking about..
do you? understand?

Nop... ｃａｕｓｅ　ｉ　ｄｏｎ、ｔ＿

ｓｏ　ｂｅ　ｉｔ。。。。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　911...
i need help..

anyone know what's God's number?
i need him ...

Like right Now!!

NOW___